Relatively Funny Skinny Stick Plaques

One of us is right, the other one is you!, I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk., If only closed minds came with closed mouths!, I'm multitasking – I can listen, ignore, and forget all at the same time., I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for mute!, My exercise routine includes a lot of diddly squats!, Friends are like bras… always there to support you and never leave you hanging!, Too old for snapchat… too young for life alert!, You people must be exhausted watching me do everything, You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you!, Please cancel my subscription to your issues!, I'm sorry, did I roll my eyes out loud?, Alexa… skip to Friday!, No working during drinking hours, Some days I don't have enough coffee or middle fingers, If at first your don't succeed, try duct tape!, Alexa… bring me a drink!, I drank so much vodka last night, I woke up with a Russian accent, Wine goes in, wisdom comes out!, If I'm drunk, blame my girlfriends., Alcohol. Because no good story ever started with a salad., Best therapy: A glass of wine and my dog., I don't need glasses. I drink directly from the bottle., Coffee, you're on the bench. Alcohol… you're up!, OMG… I am my mother!, You call it chaos, we call it family., Who needs an Alexa? Grandparents know everything, My kids call it yelling. I call it motivational speaking., This is my circus and these are my monkeys., Crazy – is a relative word in our family., Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom?, You say dad bod. I say father figure.